Do You and Your Partner Share Clothes?

Something keeps happening to us every time we leave the house...

We'll be getting ready to head out the door and we'll look down and realize: we're dressed the exact same. And if not the exact same, then pretty darn close. How do we not even realize it when we're getting ready? After being together for so long, you would think we would be better at this by now.

But maybe that's just it. Maybe we've been together for so long that we've become that cliche couple who starts dressing alike! It usually happens when we're in gym clothes, and it's usually a grey shirt and navy blue shorts. Apparently we've accumulated an embarrassing amount of those two colors over the years, so it's bound to happen from time to time, right? Sometimes we catch it before we leave the house and one of us will change, sometimes we don't catch it until we're already out, and sometimes we just don't care enough to do anything about it. We embrace it and live our truth (AKA we're too lazy to change).

We're fortunate enough to be the same size in pretty much all of the clothes we wear, so we share most everything. When we first got together, our styles were somewhat different, but over the years they've sort of blended into a hybrid to where we both feel comfortable wearing one another's clothes. Still, we do have different styles when it comes to some aspects of our wardrobe: Thomas prefers baggier, oversized shirts, while PJ likes his to be a little more snug. 

What about you? Do you and your significant other find yourselves dressing alike from time to time and/or sharing clothes? How do you feel about it? Would love to know...

Day 13: Hardworking Husbands

Hi, Thomas here today.

I just want to take a moment to appreciate all of the hardworking husbands out there. The ones who never give up, never stop doing their best, and never stop working as hard as they can. I have a husband like that and I'm proud of him. 

I came home yesterday to a loud and obnoxious noise coming from outside. I go out on the back deck and find PJ tilling up the dirt in our side yard. Enclosed by the fence he built earlier this year. Do you see where I’m going with this? How. Does. He. Do. It. Sometimes I get tired just looking at him. 

When PJ gets an idea in his mind, he wants to start it immediately, and doesn't stop until it's finished. When people ask me what I love most about PJ, I always say it's how hard he works and how much effort he puts into things. I look up to him so much in that respect and find myself, in certain situations, asking "what would PJ do in this instance?" I know it's cheesy, but I'm a cheesy person and way too sentimental, and I like talking about my husband (if you haven't noticed) so here we are. How did I get so lucky? 

He's always working on something. Always. If he's not, he feels like he should be. It's just how he is. Today I am feeling thankful for a husband who works hard to make this house a home. He's not perfect, and we disagree/argue just like the next couple, but to me, he is perfect. With all his flaws and quirks, I feel confident I married the perfect man for me. Someone who inspires me to work harder and be the best version of myself everyday.

PJ McKay, what would I do without you?

-T

On Using the Word “Partner”

When we first started dating, we couldn’t wait to start using the word boyfriend to describe ourselves, especially Thomas. After going years with never having one, he finally had a boyfriend. Not just a boy who was a friend, but a real, live boy who wanted to be MORE than friends. An actual boyfriend, people!

For the next four years until we were engaged, we referred to each other as boyfriends. When introducing one another, it was always “Hi, this is my boyfriend, PJ” and it always felt so good because we finally got to experience what everyone else got to do for years. It was almost like playing catch up, you know? 

After we got engaged, we started referring to each other as fiancé. And okay to be honest it did sound somewhat pretentious to call each other that every time we introduced ourselves but there was a certain elegance and seriousness about it, maybe even a sense of importance to us. It was taking our relationship to the next level and with that comes a new defining term.  Even though it was only 10 months, we enjoyed that short period in our relationship where we went from just boyfriends to fiancés, and then after we got married, we happily refer to each other as husbands.

But what about the word “partner”? It seems when other people talk to us, if they don’t know what our relationship status is (or they’re too embarrassed to say husband because we live in the south and that honestly happens ALL THE TIME) they will refer to us as partners. We have never called each other partners in our entire relationship, and we don’t have one definite reason why, it’s just never been how we describe ourselves. A part of us feels like that term is a “safe word” or a cover up word used to describe gay couples, mostly by straight people, either because they feel shame calling us husbands or they’re embarrassed. Who knows?

At the same time, we know there are a lot of gay couples who refer to themselves as partners. Maybe they’ve been together forever but aren’t married, so they’re life partners, or maybe they ARE married but don’t like the word husbands. We are curious about this word and it’s usage, though. It’s interesting don’t you think? Is it an age thing? Do younger or older people use it more than the other? Maybe it’s a generation thing? Or a region thing? We’d be interested in studying more about those topics to dive into this further.

When we were researching for this post, we came across this article written by a married gay man who prefers to use the term partner instead of husband. It’s an interesting read and he makes a couple of good points. Still, it isn’t enough to sway our vocabulary just yet :). And ultimately, that’s what it all comes down to! Doing whatever works for the two of you and your relationship. What other people think doesn’t and shouldn’t matter, so you do you! 

We came across a lot of articles that make a case for both words, but we are curious: which do you prefer? Do you use the term partner or husband/wife?

PS- more interesting articles on the topic:

• ‘Husband,’ ‘Partner,’ ‘Boyfriend’: What’s in a Word?

• Why do gay couples use the terms ‘husband’ and ‘wife,’ rather than ‘partner’?

• Op-ed: Boyfriends, Husbands, And The 'Partners' In Between

• There's even a Reddit thread about it here. Other than the occasional inappropriate words, it's fascinating to read through all of the different opinions.

 (Above photo by Cameron Hinkle)