You’re Not Just Natural, You’re Essential

The other night at our son’s basketball game, a teacher we’ve known for years came up to us to share something that had been on her mind. It came on the heels of an emotional school meeting we’d had with her the week before about our children and their academics, and the familiar fear that creeps in as parents of questioning every decision we make: are we doing enough to help them succeed? are we giving them what they need? did we handle that situation right? what could we have done better?

She told us that on a recent flight home, she came across an article that made her think of us. It was about black swans, and how lifelong, pair-bonded male-male couples will raise an egg together that’s donated by a female. The article shared that 80 percent of gay black swan couples successfully raise their young, compared to only 30 percent of straight swan couples. She didn’t tell us any of this to put down or diminish straight couples, but I think instead it was to reassure us that families like ours are welcome in this community, even in a more conservative town like ours.

She went on to say that she and her husband attend a very open-minded church, yet there are still people there who believe gay people shouldn’t be allowed to parent and she didn’t understand why. She tearfully said, “Based on these findings in nature, it’s clear that gay parents aren’t just natural, they’re essential for the survival of our children.”

By that point, all three of us were teary-eyed, and I couldn’t help but wonder what the world might look like if every teacher, every churchgoer, and every neighbor held the same beliefs she did. How many kids in need would find good homes? How many LGBTQ+ children would grow up believing they could be parents themselves one day?

So whether you’re standing at a fifth-grade basketball game, sitting in a church service, or walking into a parent-teacher meeting already second-guessing yourself, may you never forget that no matter what anyone else thinks or says, you’re not just natural. You’re essential.