If you haven't already seen it, here is the follow up video to our Q&A Part I last week! We answer questions about having kids and coming out, along with whether our designs styles were the same or different when we first got together. It was so much fun to answer these and we can't thank you enough for submitting such thoughtful questions!
We hope you're having a great Monday night!! xx
This is an account of our Valentine's Day from Thomas' perspective. If you want to see it from PJ's, you can click here or watch the video at the end!
This year, for some reason, Valentine’s Day sneaked up on me and completely caught me off guard. We’ve been so busy the last couple of months and it’s honestly hard sometimes to remember what day of the week it is. I posted about buying my husband a card but, sadly and shamefully, that was about the extent of my effort for Valentine’s Day this year.
It’s a sad truth, but after you’ve been with someone for a while, it’s very easy to slack on celebrating even the silliest of holidays. But, we believe no matter how long you’ve been together, it’s so important to put forth that effort, even if you don’t feel like it, because it keeps the romance alive and, for the most part, your relationship strong.
I had planned to make spaghetti for us and watch a Redbox, just spending a quiet night at home, not unlike most of our nights actually. Again, I hadn’t planned much this year and I apologized to PJ and promised I would make it up to him. And I fully intend to!
When I got home from work yesterday, I walked in the front door and gasped; partly because I’m dramatic, but mostly because I was completely surprised! I walked in to a dark house with little candles lit everywhere. In the dining area I could see more candles, glasses of wine, and a card waiting for me.
PJ was there, looking so friggin cute in his short sleeve, pink button down with his hair pushed to the side. He kissed me, handed me a flower, and welcomed me home. Once I got over the initial shock, I heard music playing in he background. Bossa Nova, our favorite to listen to while we cook/eat. He told me to sit down at the table as he went into the kitchen and came back with a plate full of spaghetti (!!!) and mushrooms, salad, and a basket of bread. I told him that I was the one who was supposed to make spaghetti tonight! He smiled.
There was a little heart shaped note that said “Feed Me” on it. We ate and drank and talked about our day. It was dark and stormy outside which made for the perfect cozy, warm atmosphere inside. I was grateful. I may or may not have cried a few times, too, but how could I not?
When we were finished eating, he told me to stay there while he hurried upstairs, promising me there’s more. After a few minutes, he said I could come upstairs. So as I walked up the stairs, holding on to the railing that was wrapped in twinkling lights, I could smell peppermint and hear the thunder and rain from outside. But it wasn’t from outside, it was from Alexa! When I get upstairs there are more candles and an entire massage table waiting for me with soft nature-inspired music playing in the background while the essential oil diffuser spreads the relaxing aroma around the room. He handed me another heart shaped note that said “Relax Me”. Y’all. This man!!! On closer inspection I see that he turned out desk into a massage table by wrapping the cushions from the couch in some comfy flannel sheets. He’s never been short on creativity. He told me to undress to my comfort level as he left the room for a moment. When he returned he treated the whole thing like a serious, professional massage, mimicking the way the professionals did it at our recent couples massage. I was so impressed I couldn’t stop smiling the entire time.
After the massage, he handed me another heart shaped note that said “Seduce Me” and that’s where we skip a few details in the story and head to the next part of the night! He leads me into the upstairs bathroom (that our guests use, but we never do so it felt like a real treat) and I see a bath being drawn, with bath salts, another glass of wine, and rose petals. There was another heart shaped note that said “Bathe Me”. He said the bath was just for me and pointed to a change of clothes on the table that would be waiting for me when I was finished. He told me he would be downstairs whenever I was finished and to just relax for a while. I never take baths, but the rose petals in the tub mixed with the wine and candles made for an especially relaxing bath. Did I mention there were more twinkly lights? This man knows the ways to my heart.
When I was finally finished, I made my way downstairs to find him in the living room. He kissed me and said there was one more thing and handed me a “Treat Me” note. He bent down and reached under the sofa and pulled out this huge thing of CHOCOLATE AND VANILLA MINI CUPCAKES. If you know me, you know cupcakes are my biggest weakness, so it was such a fitting end to a perfect night. I laughed, and we ate a couple of them together on the couch.
I don’t know what my life would look like without PJ’s creativity and love. His acts of kindness weren't extravagant or expensive, but rather personal and thoughtful. One thing we always try to do on social media is to make sure people know that our relationship is not picture perfect, that we argue and get upset and disagree sometimes, and that it’s okay to do all of those things in a healthy way. But we also make sure to convey that those times are worth it to experience the good times like these. The nights that remind you why you fell in love with your husband eight years ago and how, as the years pass, you only love him more because of the life you two have built together and all that comes with that in the future.
I could never thank PJ enough for being mine, my funny little valentine. He has been, to quote Virginia Woolfe, “in every way, all that anyone could be”. We have a saying that we always tell each other and a couple of songs that we play while we dance, but it’s nights like these that will always remind me the most why PJ McKay is forever my guy. PJ: I love you. I’m IN love with you. Thank you for making that night so special. 💫
PS- If you want to see the video about our night from PJ’s point of view, check out the video below!
The other day I was in line at the grocery store after purchasing some milk, dog treats, cereal, and a Valentine’s Day card for my husband. I watched as the cashier scanned each item and put it in the bag. When she got to the card, she stopped, opened it, read it, and smiled.
She asked how long I’d been married. I told her 2 1/2 years. She wished me 42 more years of marriage with that same smile on her face. When I asked her if she was married, she told me she had been married, for 44 years, but sadly her husband passed away from cancer two years ago. I offered my condolences and she thanked me, saying it was a shame that he died because she actually still loved him (she said that part with a wink and an exclamation mark) and he still greatly loved her. I could feel my chest begin to hurt for her as I imagined the pain she must be going through. How do you go from seeing someone everyday for 44 years to suddenly spending holidays and birthdays alone in an empty bed?
After we shared what I felt like was a genuine moment, she asked me what I had planned for my wife on Valentine’s Day. I smiled, and politely corrected her, letting her know my wife is actually a husband (hence me buying a husband card). She looked somewhat surprised, though looking back I’m not sure if she didn’t NOT know I was gay the whole time and was trying to find out in a roundabout way? She said, “Oh, well what are you doing for him then?” I could HEAR the italics on her voice, but it wasn’t said in a tone of judgement, rather one of curiosity.
I told her that I honestly didn’t have anything planned this year, as time slipped away from me and we have been too busy. I felt shame actually saying the words out loud, as I believe you should always try to celebrate love whenever you can, but I was honest with her nonetheless. She thought for a split second and said, with quite a bit of delight, “I think you should surprise him!”
I’m not sure what I thought her reaction would be during our whole conversation. Maybe I, myself, was being judegemntal thinking she would say something snarky? After only knowing her for 2 minutes, I had learned that she was married to the same man for 44 years and lived in the south, in the heart of the Bible Belt. I think I just assumed she would naturally not be okay with me buying a card for my husband after I corrected her with the right pronoun, but if she wasn’t okay with it, I would never know. She was kind, thoughtful, and sincere in her well wishes to me and my husband. Maybe we did share a moment after all.
I didn’t get her name, which I now regret, but I know I won’t forget her kindness to me and how I felt at ease talking with her. She told me to surprise my husband this year, but looking back, I think I’m the one left feeling the most surprised of all.
We came across this article about weird things that couples do when they've been together for longer than 3 years and we have to admit, a lot of them were pretty spot on.
A few in particular stood out to us, like "Speaking in a made up language to each other", or "Wear your S.O.'s clothing so much you forget they weren't yours at one point" or even "Have shows that you are obsessive about watching together."
Then there were a few not-so-cutesy ones like: " You stop apologizing for burping and farting around each other" followed by, "And sometimes congratulate them when they do a particularly massive one" that we shamelessly admitted to doing, also. When you're with someone for 8 years, you just can't find time to care about those sort of things. :)
It got us thinking, though, what are some weird things we do together that we might not even realize? Here are a few that come to mind:
PJ talks in weird voices only to Thomas. They're hilarious.
We aren't afraid to let the other one know when they need to shower.
We talk about our dogs and their emotions like they're people. We also have a million nicknames for them and they respond to every one of them.
We have started quoting our inside jokes since we've been telling them for so long.
We get the hair in the hard to reach places for each other.
We share food, even when the other person doesn't offer to.
Even though it's not the cleanliest, we sometimes share deodorant and toothbrushes.
What about you? Do you do any weird things with your significant other because you've been together so long?
We went to Walmart yesterday like we do every Sunday. We shopped for the week and pushed the cart down the isles and debated on what we were going to make for dinner each night. I forgot to get something (like always) and had to go back to the opposite end of the store to get.
When I found what I had forgotten, we began to check out and I stood there, watching PJ put the groceries into the bags and my mind immediately went to when I was 15 or 16. I remember going to the store with my mom and thinking I would love to go grocery shopping one day with my future husband and walk down the isles together, not caring who sees us or who knows we're married.
We would pick out our favorite foods and talk about our to-do lists, taking turns pushing the cart. We would bag up all the groceries and load them into the back of our car together while one of us returns the cart. I think it's those little, intimate moments I always longed for the most growing up.
I remember when PJ and I first started dating I used to wish I could fast forward time to when we were more comfortable with each other, married, and doing boring ole' husband stuff. He wasn't doing anything out of the ordinary yesterday, not at all, but to me it was extraordinary. Isn't it crazy how, when you're with the right person, bagging groceries at Walmart suddenly makes you realize your dreams have come true? Because they do, so no matter how badly you want to, don't give up hope. You never know when your own grocery boy will come in and sweep you off your feet.
If you think about it, there are so many different ways of telling a person that you love them without coming right out and saying the words. A lot of the time, we tell them just as much with all of other, daily things we say to them.
"Buckle up, please."
"Do you want to get coffee?"
"Let me draw you a bath."
"Let me know when you get to work."
"You look beautiful today."
"Let me take care of the ___, you've had a long day."
"Let's watch a movie tonight. You pick."
"No, you can have the bigger piece."
Sometimes, when you're with someone for so long, you don't realize that the small things you do or say for your spouse are really just you reminding them of how much you love them. It almost becomes second nature, like breathing, you know? There are so many different ways of saying I love you, sometimes we just need a little reminder of what "I love you" looks and feels like to us.
One of the biggest questions we receive on a regular basis is how we decided on who’s name to take after we got married. It’s an important topic for some. To other’s, not so much (looking at you, PJ!).
Sharing a last name, much like wearing a wedding ring, changing your relationship status on Facebook, or even taking the big step and getting married, is symbol of love. A symbol to show the world that you are a family, that you’re in it for the long haul. A name is just a name, but it can mean so much more when it’s shared.
Having the same last name was important to Thomas, and like we said above, not so much to PJ. For one, PJ already has four names, so adding a fifth by hyphenating our last names would be a mouth full. For two, PJ likes his last name and never planned on changing it, really. And for three, PJ is a realtor and is known professionally around town by his first and last name, so it was also a business decision to take PJ’s last name of McKay.
Thomas was never crazy about his last name anyway, so the decision to take on PJ’s instead of just hyphenating it was fairly easy for us. And, just to be clear, Thomas still kept his original last name and just made it a second middle name. So, now he has four names just like PJ 😉. Another important thing we considered was that when we have children, we want everyone to have the same last name so there would be no confusion. That was the biggest consideration we took when deciding to finally make the change.
We talk more about changing our last name and break down the steps on how to do that, legally, in our newest YouTube video. Keep in mind that the difficulty of changing your last name can vary depending on what state you live in, so the explanation in the video below is from our perspective living here in Tennessee.
Like we said, changing your last name after getting married is just a symbol, but it sure is a powerful symbol of love, don’t you think? It’s showing the world that two men can share a life together and raise a family just like any other couple. It’s showing folks that we want the same things everyone wants. And it’s a sign of love to one another that we are in this together.
We recently gave an interview detailing about how we met and what we love most about sharing our relationship on social media to Out & About Nashville and it's currently live in their January issue! If you don't get the magazine, there's also an online PDF version that you can see here.
We're on pages 13 and 14 so you'll have to click a few times to get to our story. We had a lot of fun talking to Stephen, the writer, so be sure to check it out! Maybe you'll learn something new about us that you didn't know before?
The Property Lovers is a daily blog by PJ and Thomas about our adventures as husbands and dads living in our small hometown, life in our 100 year old Craftsman, and fixing up our farm. Welcome!
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