On Going to Bed Angry


We've all heard the old saying: "Don't ever go to bed angry." By now, we all know not to do that if we can help it. But is it always the best way to handle things?

One thing we've been very consistent with in our relationship over the last eight years, is that we usually don't go to bed angry. And it's not because we never fight, because there have been many a night where we argue right before bed and it's so frustrating. "I just want to go to bed, can we talk about this tomorrow?" "We've made it all day without fighting and you want to start now?" "I'm so tired and I just don’t feel like fighting." You've been there. We've been there. It sucks and we dread it every time. But it's important to us to settle it before we fall asleep if it's something that's really bothering us or if we feel it's a serious issue. 

Sometimes, though, when we're really tired, or we just don't feel like talking about it that night, or we're so angry we can't even fathom sleeping next to each other but we do anyway because #marriage, we do go to bed angry. But isn't that what everyone says NOT to do? Are we failing as a couple because we broke one of the biggest rules of marriage ever? Not quite. 

One night we were arguing and we weren't getting anywhere, so we went to bed still very angry and upset. But when we woke up the next morning, neither of us even remembered we were fighting the night before. It was like it hadn't happened at all. We talked like normal, drank our coffee, and watched Kathie & Hoda. Sometimes, when you're fighting over pointless matters you know hold no relevance, it's best to just sleep it off before things escalate and ruin a perfectly good night. Waking up in the morning feels like a fresh start, a new day (literally), and a better time to think about last night's argument. When you're tired, your brain isn't thinking as clearly as it would first thing in the morning, so what would normally be a small issue is magnified late at night right before bed. Usually, nothing is ever as serious the next day. 

However, there are exceptions to this. If the issue you're fighting about IS a big one, and it does hold relevance and won't go away after eight (we wish) hours of sleep, it might be best to say what you need to say, do your best to make up that night, and remember why you're together in the first place. If it is a big issue, you'll wake up the next morning feeling the exact same way you did the night before, with nothing resolved, and at that point it may be time to have a more serious discussion, preferably while the sun is still out. 

So, the age-old saying may not be 100% true all the time. Maybe it's best sometimes to get some sleep, clear your mind, and see how you feel in the morning. We don't always take this approach, but when we do, we've found we generally feel better and realize, maybe that argument the night before wasn't such a big deal after all.

What about you? Do you prefer to settle your arguments before you fall asleep or do you sometimes go to bed angry, too? 

PS: Buzzfeed wrote a great article on why you should go to bed angry, and so did The Huffington Post.