Lately, I’ve been having conversations with my brother and sister about parenting. Both are (relatively) newly married, both are thinking about the next chapter, and both have said the same thing in different ways: “I’d really love to have one of each.” A boy and a girl.

It’s something PJ and I used to talk about too, long before we had kids. We didn’t know when or how it would all unfold, but we hoped we’d get the chance to parent both a son and a daughter. Today, with two boys and a little girl, we both feel incredibly lucky. Not because we “checked all the boxes,” so to speak, but because I love the unique relationship that each of them brings into our lives. Our daughter brings a sassiness and strength to the family dynamic. None of us are safe, haha. Our boys bring a loving chaos and curiosity. And all of them, in the most surprising moments, show us sides of themselves, and in turn, of ourselves, we didn’t know we had.

I’ll admit, it’s fascinating how much of parenting is wrapped up in gender, even when we don’t intend it to be. The world still loves its labels: “boy mom,” “girl dad,” “mom of three girls,” “dad of all boys.” And while there’s nothing wrong with these shorthand identities (they’re often worn with pride), I sometimes wonder what they leave out.

We have family who are parents to all boys, or all girls, and they can’t imagine it any other way. And why would they? You fall in love with the children you’re given. They shape you, stretch you, and make you laugh until your stomach hurts. Whether you’re raising all daughters, all sons, or a mix of both, you’re handed the exact life you’re meant to grow into.

That’s something I try to remember when the conversations come up, as they so often do with new or expecting parents: “Do you want a boy or a girl?” There’s no wrong answer. Sometimes people know what they want. Sometimes they don’t. And sometimes, they realize it doesn’t matter nearly as much as they thought it would.

So now I’m curious: what’s your family like? Do you have only boys, only girls, or a little of both? Do you ever wonder what it would’ve been like to raise the opposite? Or do you feel your family is exactly as it should be?